Mission: Failed
by Insanik
Summary: Their mission was to kill each other, and that's exactly what they're going to do... But what happens when the things you expect... don't turn out the way you expected? - DeiHinaSaso.
1. Chapter 1

Insanik: This story was originally posted on Hisashii64, my ancient account that I don't touch anymore. Out of boredom one day, I decided to reread the story I had typed up during my fourth grade year, and I had to honestly say - it _sucked_. Why I'm rewriting the story today, don't ask, because I don't have any ideas either. So now that you know, don't think I stole the story, alritey? Alritey.

I don't own Naruto - and this goes for every chapter. But oh, the things I would do if Naruto belonged to me... Ahem. Moving on.

* * *

It was a normal morning in the young life of 17 year old Hyuuga Hinata. The birds were chirping. The bees were buzzing. And oh, what better way to top it all off than to have Mr. Sun shine brightly through your windows at 6 A.M. Wait. That isn't right. Since when was 6 A.M. this bright.

Hinata shot a glance at her new digital clock, which stared back at her mockingly and read, "10:25... _A.M_."

_Oh no! Oh no, I'm late!_ She quickly fitted on her worn out ANBU uniform, picked out every weapon she needed for the mission, and grabbed a stiff cold onigiri rice ball from the fridge before heading out; one hand clutching her ANBU sword and the other trying to stuff the whole piece of rice and seaweed into her mouth while she darted across the streets.

Stupid, stupid alarm clock! No wonder it was for sale! But Hinata had other things to worry about, like how Tsunade would take her tardiness for the special ANBU mission that was to take place today!

Sakura, Neji, Shikamaru, and Tenten were all taking on the same mission as Hinata. And what was their mission? To get their hands on as much info on Akatsuki as they possibly can and annihilate them, of course. In their opinion, this seemed almost like a Mission Impossible, but they weren't ready to back down yet, especially after Sakura had successfully managed to kill off one of their strongest members: Sasori.

Relieved that she was almost there, Hinata quickened her pace and swallowed the onigiri whole.

* * *

Making sure that no one would be able to see them, Itachi asked, "Tell me once more Kisame, what are we doing here, in the Village hidden in the Mist?"

The fish-faced man eyed the people that passed by them, on guard in case anyone would recognize their faces in the foggy mist. How he loved making faces at the clueless people when they couldn't see him.

"Learn as much about Kyuubi's life as possible," Kisame said, sticking his tongue merrily at one of the passer-byers. "Leader wanted us to find a book of data that contained a fragment of the information we needed, and it's hidden somewhere in this village."

"Mission in progress - soon to be completed," Itachi whispered into his headphones.

"Message received. On it's way to Leader," replied a voice at the other end. "Good luck you guys."

"Heh, we won't be needing it," Kisame grinned. "Look over there Itachi-san."

* * *

"Ah, I'm so sorry for keeping you guys waiting!" Hinata bowed again and again to everyone, not daring to look up. "Really, really sorry!"

"Hinata-sama, did something happen? You're usually so early for missions like these," Neji looked at his little cousin worriedly.

Hinata gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry Neji-niisan. I guess my alarm clock wasn't working properly." And again, she bowed. Tenten started to worry that Hinata would die old with back problems, so she pulled the Hyuuga girl into a stand when her flood of apologies started coming back.

"You didn't miss out on much, Hinata." Shikamaru said, walking up to Hinata (and Tenten, who kept her still by the shoulders). "Besides, that old crone was drunk. So Shizune explained everything to us before you came. She says the mission can take as long as it needs to, but if longer than 300 days, there's an opportunity for us to quit." He rubbed the back of his head in thought. "As much as I hate troublesome things like these, I wouldn't want to back down. We'd be celebrities if we ever complete it. Kakashi-sensei will check up on us once every month to see how we're doing, and he'll decide if we should cancel the entire mission of not."

Sakura nodded. "And since you're here now Hinata-chan, we should get going!"

"Erm, shouldn't we inform Tsunade-sama that we're leaving now?" Hinata asked thoughtfully.

"She's freakin' drunk," everybody repeated in unison.

And they were off.

* * *

"Item found. Location: underneath the Great Naruto Bridge. Owner: Tsunami. Mission: completed."

"Message delivered. Information about the next mission will arrive soon," the voice said. "Nice job you guys!"

A beeping noise was heard and the line was connected with another one.

"Location: Ichiraku Ramen Bar. You are to question the bar manager about Naruto's past and return it to Leader. Don't get caught, yeah."

"Look at that. Our next mission is in your hometown Itachi-san."

The Uchiha switched off the headphone. "Come on Kisame. We'd better think of a way to trick that manager into giving us information."

"Ohhh, way ahead of you." Kisame gave a devilish grin.

* * *

The way to the Akatsuki hideout was unusually quiet. Even Hinata, as sleepy as she was, couldn't stand the silence. So, she managed to come up with a topic everyone could talk about.

"Sakura-san, do you know why Naruto-kun hasn't been in Konoha these few months?"

Surprised that a question had come out so suddenly, Sakura paused for a bit. "He's still training with Jiraiya-sama to get stronger," she said, "to get Sasuke-kun back again."

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that." Hinata gave a weak smile. _Although I thought he'd stayed two years ago..._

Noticing Hinata's sad expression, Sakura added, "Don't worry Hinata-chan. By the time this mission ends, that idiot's sure to come crawling back with Sasuke-kun next to him." Her cheerful grin eased Hinata's thoughts, and she returned the smile.

"Hey guys? Where are we going to rest?" asked Tenten, looking up at the orange tinted noon sky.

"Once we reach another village, we'll stop and rest there for the night." Neji stated, not looking back at her. "If we can't before dark, we'll just rest here. But one of more of us are going to have to keep watch for enemy ninjas while we're asleep."

"Leave that part to me." Sakura replied. "And if I need any help, I'll wake up Tenten-chan."

"Ehh? How come I don't get a say in this?" Tenten whined.

Ignoring this, Sakura continued. "You know, it's going to take us atleast two months or more before we find them. They might've moved their base since the last time I've seen them."

"Even if it'll take us a million years to find them, we'll keep looking!" Tenten responded enthusiastically, directing a thumbs up at Shikamaru. "Isn't that right Shikamaru-kun?"

"They'd be dead by then." Shikamaru mumbled. _Sigh. Troublesome woman. She caught the fuzzy eyebrows personality._

Neji glanced at his once-heiress-to-the-Hyuuga-throne cousin. He knew she had gotten stronger over the years; even surprised that she had caught up to ANBU rank with him. But still, he couldn't help but feel uneasy about her joining the mission. What if she got hurt?

Simultaneously, Hinata was thinking the same thing. _I wonder if I should leave... Everyone here has their reasons to be on this mission: Shikamaru-kun and his intelligence and knowledge. Tenten-chan and her expert skills on weapons. Neji-niisan and his advanced Byakugan. Sakura-san and her amount of strength and healing, not to mention experience. But what do I have... ? _The indigo-haired girl shook her head, trying to get rid of this nauseous feeling.

Not far away, an orange masked member and his blonde partner were spying on them from the top of a massive clay bird.

"Oooh, lookie Senpai. Two Hyuuga kids. We need some of those, don't we?"

"What do you reckon they're doing down in that part of the forest, yeah?"

"Who knows and who cares. We need Hyuugas. We got Hyuugas!" Tobi pointed excitedly at the group, focused on the white of the Hyuuga members' eyes. "Onward!"

Deidara groaned. "You know, I would've liked you so much more if you were serious, yeah."

"Pfft, it's not like you're serious either." Tobi glimpsed at his partner accusingly. "Like how you always end everything in 'yeah.'"

"What are you trying to say, yeah!? Masashi Kishimoto gave me that line. And I don't end everything in 'yeah,' I end them in 'un' too!" the blonde countered angrily. He didn't like it when people mentioned his personal habits out loud, and Tobi just so happened to be an expert on doing this. ("Hey Senpai, why do you always leave your fishnets on the ground?" ...WHACK.) ...Actually, Tobi just naturally pissed him off.

"But to me, in my heart, you'll always be the Yeah Man." the masked member nodded at this and started puffing his nose on a tissue. God, this reminds me so much of my mom and her love dramas.

"Ugh. That's not poetic and beautiful at all! And what do you mean, 'Yeah Man?' Can't I be called something _cooler_, un?"

"Well, that's me." Tobi gave one last wet blow on the tissue and threw it at Deidara, who dodged the wretched thing with his eyes shut. "Unless Senpai would rather be called... Mr. Sunshine... ?"

Do I hear knuckle cracking? Or is it just me?

"What?! It sounds cooler than Yeah Man, right?"

* * *

The stars decided to take a break tonight, leaving only a full moon in view. Hinata gazed up at this, still comprehending what she was thinking of before.

_If I'm not heiress, and I don't have a dream to chase after anymore, what exactly am I living for?_

Shikamaru and Sakura decided to sleep in hammocks. Seperate hammocks. Shikamaru chose to sleep at the bottom, saying that it was too troublesome for someone to be staring at your back while you slept. Sakura didn't give much care into this, since she was on guard duty anyway.

Hinata, Neji, and Tenten chose to sleep in tents instead. But since there were only two, Hinata had to share with Tenten, thinking it was too awkward for Tenten to be sleeping with her older cousin. Neji didn't say anything about this and just crawled into his tent without a word. Tenten had fallen fast asleep by the time they landed, so Hinata kindly took her place in guarding their tents.

Sakura glanced up and noticed a figure sitting on a tree. "Hinata-chan, why weren't you asleep yet?" Sakura jumped up the ginormous tree to the raven-haired girl, who had been sitting atop of a very large branch, and sat in place next to her.

She turned towards Sakura. "It's nothing Sakura-san. It's just... I have a lot to think about."

"Haha, you're not alone." Sakura said, giving off another cheery smile, and looked up to admire the bright round orb in the night sky. "I haven't had much sleep these days either."

"Worried about Naruto-kun?"

Looking startled, Sakura answered. "N-No, of course not!"

"Don't worry Sakura-san," Hinata said with a reassuring look. "Naruto-kun may act clumsy sometimes, but he's really strong, and I know he wouldn't get into trouble on purpose. I'm sure... he'll come back with Sasuke-san. Definitely."

"Haha, I guess you're right Hinata-chan." The pink haired kunoichi laughed, though duller than her usual. _I hope so too._

_Where are you Naruto?

* * *

_

"Honestly Kisame," Itachi began, with an irritated look on his face. "Do I really have to dress up as a woman for this? Why can't _you_ be the woman?"

"Because no one likes a fishy woman!" Kisame started, almost sounding... sad? Wait, since when Masashi Kishimoto give Kisame a secret hobby!? Oh right, that's me... Hehe... "Besides, it'll work better with a woman. Two aged men walking into a bar would be too suspicious. It just won't do!"

"Fine, fine, fine." Itachi sighed. "Just don't make me wear a dress."

"...Oh, uhm, yeah... About that... "

* * *

Insanik: Well, stay tuned for the next chapter. :) I know the first chapter wasn't very long... or exciting. I had to rush because I haven't started on ANY of my homework and project assignments, and my mom made me clean her bathroom... ew. Anyways, once I get more time, I'll put more work into these lame excuses of chapters! Harharhar, I wonder what I'll put Mr. Itachi-san in... ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Wrote this without reading it over. Please tell me if there are any grammar mistakes/errors in the story.

* * *

The clay bird made a swift movement of its wings before smoothly landing onto the ground. Deidara jumped off and headed for the base, while poor Tobi trailed along behind him trying to catch up. Obviously, the blonde haired shinobi was trying to ditch the annoying ninja he had to call 'partner.'

As Sakura had guessed, they had moved their hideout. Where? Inside a hidden sandstorm in Suna, duh. It was the perfect location. Convenient, calm, and heck, they had all the privacy they wanted.

Deidara took off his head gear and stuffed them into his pocket. He looked back to check on Tobi and see if he had catched up. "Senpai, wait for me pleaseee... " could be heard in the distance. Sigh. He really was hopeless. "Tobi, _catch up _or I'm leaving you behind, yeah!" Deidara annoyedly shouted above the winds.

Unexpectedly, Tobi appeared right beside him, exhausted and short of breath. "Se-Senpai... Why... did we even move here?" And with that, the masked man fell with a thud. Deidara slapped his palm to his forehead to keep down his frustration.

"So that nobody can find us." He shook his head. "You better get up before I leave you again."

"Why... are we in such a hurry." Tobi panted, sand stuck in his throat (if that was even possible behind his giant mask?).

Not caring anymore, Deidara began walking towards the Akatsuki hideout. "We have to report Leader about our find."

"You mean, those Hyuugas? The ones sleeping in those tents?"

"Yeah, the ones sleeping in those tents."

Tobi got up. "Eh? But didn't they leave already?" He rubbed a sore spot on his eye (hole). "Yeah, I think they did. When I looked back, I saw them running off... "

"WHAT!?" the blonde S-class criminal choked poor Tobi madly. "Why didn't you tell me they left, un!?"

"Y-You told me not to talk to you during the trip back Senpai!" Tobi shouted, clutching his dizzy and aching head.

"I told you not to ask me 'are we there yet?!' I never told you to not talk!"

"...Then I held my breath for nothing," Tobi mumbled, turning his head grumpily away.

Trying very hard to calm himself down, Deidara forced himself to (in Tobi's terms) 'politely' ask, "Do you... remember... which way they headed off to?" The way he held his temper in while twitching his face with fury didn't convince Tobi that he was calm one bit. In fact, this would want to make a monkey drop its bananas and run for its dear life, which was _exactly_ what Tobi wanted to right now. Too bad he didn't have the bananas.

Then he realized something important.

"Hey! You didn't end your sentence in 'yeah!'" Tobi clapped his hands gleefully, not trying to purposely avoid the subject.

"That's. Not. What. I'm asking you! YEAH!" the blonde yelled, returning to his choke-Tobi-till-he-drops-dead mode.

Then he abruptly stopped, and gave one last scowl before running back to his clay bird. "Come now Tobi," Deidara said as he jumped onto his vessel. "I'll think about your punishment later. For now, we just need to inform Leader that we've found Hyuugas, yeah." Just as he led his contraption towards the base, the masked member questioned once again. Oh, why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut today Tobi?

"Hey, didn't Leader say he was going grocery shopping with Konan today?" Tobi rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, I think he did!"

...The art lover cleared his throat. Uh oh, that didn't sound good for Tobi. "Ahem. So... you've made me use my chakra to fly over 20,000 miles... FOR NOTHING!?!?"

"...Maybe?"

_Boyyy_, did he regret that.

* * *

"Are you _sure _they were Akatsuki members?" Neji questioned yet again, while jumping from tree to tree.

"I'm definitely sure!" Sakura answered back. "You can't mistake those cloaks anywhere! One had a blonde ponytail, and the other had an orange mask... "

"But then, why are we running away? Shouldn't we be going _after _them?" Tenten said, looking at Sakura.

"They're the ones who've spotted us first, so they could easily lure us into a trap Tenten," Shikamaru explained.

"And if they saw our headbands," Sakura added. "they would definitely know that Konoha is going after them."

"But why is that?" again, Tenten asked.

"Tsuna- I mean Shizune told us that we're the only Konoha ninjas in these areas," Sakura said. "These forests are off-limits to everyone in Konoha until we're through with our mission. Which was why Neji told us to keep guard while we were asleep; in case anyone suspicious came through the forests while we aren't looking. Right, Neji?"

Neji nodded at this.

"Once they lose our trail completely, we go after them, right?" Shikamaru guessed.

"That's right."

A few minutes later, Hinata spoke up. "I don't see them anywhere near." She looked around, her Byakugan still on. Everyone stopped in their tracks.

* * *

"I'm going to ask AGAIN Tobi: are you POSITIVE you don't need to use the little men's room, yeah?"

"Sure I'm sure! Now come on Senpai, summon your birdie already!"

Nodding, Deidara performed two hand seals and the small bird that fell out of his sleeve exploded into another clay bird, almost a hundred times its size. "Let's go, un."

The bird took off.

They hadn't even travelled for even five minutes before Tobi ruined the silence. Why Tobi, why.

"E-Erm, Deidara-senpai? I... uh, you know," he pointed between his thighs awkwardly. Deidara dared not look there.

"Wait for a few more minutes, un."

Tobi responded to this by shaking more nervously. "This is very bad; very, very bad... "

"Tobi, our mission is an emergency, yeah."

Tobi grabbed him by the collar instantly and yelled, "No! _This_ is an emergency!" He didn't know where he was pointing anymore, so he started flailing randomly at the sky instead to emphasize his predicament. "I really really have to- " Silence fell.

Annoyed that he's suddenly ignoring him, Deidara began, "Well? Aren't you going to yell at me some more, yeah?"

The masked man took a quiet seat down his spot, and gave his partner a sheepish grin under his mask. "Hehe... I'm done!" Tobi exclaimed, giving a yes! thumbs up to his partner, who was looking very sane/shocked/suspcious at the moment.

"...Tell me you didn't do what I thought you just did... yeah..."

* * *

"Ugh, we lost them. That's just great," Shikamaru began with an annoyed expression.

Hinata pointed at the ground, directing at the clay mark trails that seemed to move opposite of them.

"Oh, that's right!" Sakura realized as she saw what Hinata was trying to point out. "Their blonde member - Deidara I think? - was a clay molder! The bird he was riding on must definitely be made out of clay!"

Hinata nodded agreeingly. "So if we follow this trail, it'll lead us right to them."

"Then what are we waiting for?!" Tenten exclaimed excitedly. "Let's get to them before they realize what hit em!"

* * *

"Hello? Anyone?" Kisame poked at the little headphone, not exactly sure of how it worked. He cleared his tight throat. "Status: in trouble. A man is flirting with Itachi-san!" he stated nervously, glancing at his distressed partner. Oh why, why did Itachi have to use Oiroke no Jutsu? IN A DRESS may I add?

"Then what the fuck are you fucking standing there for?! Get your ass in there and beat the motha-" Hidan's voice got cut off abruptly, leaving the sharkman even more flustered than he was before. He looked back at his partner, whose eyes seemed to glow with murder right now. He never does that... unless he was about to kill... _No... we can't get caught... !_

"Hey baby," the drunk man droned. "How'd you like to-" _POW_! Kisame had knocked him unconscious with one nimble move.

The place was so crowded, no one even bothered to look at the knocked out man - who laid drooling drunkenly on the floor, may I add.

"Itachi-san," the fishy man whispered worriedly. "Are you okay?"

Something was gleaming in the corner Itachi's eyes. _That's not right. Itachi-san never has that look unless he wants to-_

Before he could continue, the dark haired woman' coiled her hands around Kisame's neck, choking him madly.

"W-W-What are you doing!?" Kisame managed to choke out, frantically trying to unlock Itachi's tight fists that just wouldn't budge.

"Why. Didn't. You. Save me when that perverted bastard was here!?"

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Forgive meee!"

From far away, all you could see was a young couple aguing in their early relationship.

And that's just what the people of Ichiraku Ramen thought.

* * *

"This is useless," Shikamaru began with disinterest, pausing in his run. "For all we know, the clay trail could've been the dirt we're walking on." He kicked the leaves below him, making a dull, crackling noise.

Sakura stopped after. "He's right you guys. We might've been wasting our time for nothing."

Neji and Tenten began to agree with this decision, except...

"No."

Everyone turned their attention towards a certain Hyuuga girl. "No," she repated again. "It's definitely this way."

"How are you so sure Hinata?" the shadow master asked.

"T-Trust me."

_Hinata-sama... what are you doing?_ Neji stared at her. He didn't recognize her anymore.

Everyone exchanged doubting looks. Hinata began to notice this. "I've sent little parts of my chakra underground with strings attached to them," she explained. "The strings attached themselves to the clay trail we're walking on right now."

Shikamaru tried to hide his curiosity while he questioned again. "How can you be so sure it's _this_ trail?"

"Because my chakra slips easily through dirt cracks, but when clay hardens, there's no cracks in them," she plainly explained.

This time, they trusted her. Giving her a big smile, Sakura exclaimed. "Well, what are we waiting for? Konoha is waiting!"

"Ew!" Startled, everyone turned to Tenten. "Why does this part smell like urine?"

* * *

"Uh huh, go on, go on." the fishy man in disguise said professionally, writing this all down on a notepad. "Is there anything else you'd like to add before our interview ends?"

"And he made a hole _this big_ in my wall!" the ramen shop owner exclaimed angrily. Itachi's eyes twitched. _We came here to get information about Naruto-kun, and instead that freaking Kisame is giving therapy to this guy!_

"So how does this make you feel?"

"I explained to that boy over and over again, but he just doesn't understand!"

"I know just how you feel! A few weeks before, my partner and I-"

"I think it's time we got going." Itachi grabbed his fishy Dr. Phil partner by his collar and dragged him out of the shop. "It was nice meeting you."

"My pleasure! Come again anytime!" the owner happily said to the departing 'couple.' "Wow, they were sure nice."

"Information retrieved. Mission: completed."

"What the fuck took you guys so fucking long!" the rude voice yelled through the earphones.

"A certain _somebody_ decided to play Dr. Phil with the target," Itachi agitatedly said, still holding Kisame firmly by the collar in his Sexy Jutsu form.

Hidan's voice cackled. "Anyway, you're supposed to come back to the lair now. Leader is wants to look through your info and see if you have any good finds on that Naruto kid."

There was a beep and their line was cut off. A poofing noise was heard and Uchiha Itachi transformed back to his irritable, manly self.

_He looked better as a woman_, instantly came into mind.  
_

* * *

_

Veins were popping with each scrub Tobi made on the cantankerous clay bird. "And we're not leaving until you get every last bit of pee off my bird, un!"

The masked man sighed, finally learning that it was better _not_ to say anything back to a person when they're in a crabby mood.

This also applies to gigantic clay birds.

* * *

Mm, I think Mr. Itachi-san as a woman is way cuter. ;D My opinion.

Okay, so I rushed with this chapter on a Wednesday morning. I couldn't finish it because I would miss my bus - but it turned out I was ten minutes early, grr. But it was too late to run back to my computer.

Deidara and Hinata don't meet until the next chapter, so please be patient. :O

And thank you to KraZiieTarT for reviewing. ;) Made my day, haha. If only they had Mr. Itachi-san in a dress in the anime... :( Then we would all be happy.


End file.
